Introduction: He is the guy whom you see at the ‘Para (neighborhood) tea stall’, with a cup of tea in his hands and the politics of ‘Timbuktu’ in his mouth. He is a family man, devoted to his wife due to lack of talent and good fortune. He is the loudest when there is a fight in the neighborhood and loves to get involved in matters which are not his concern. He is half a hundred years but he is the most dedicated worker of the neighborhood youth club. He is evergreen and his life is just millimeters short of an adventure. He irritates me; but I need him to make a mockery of my middle class Bengali surroundings.
So, here comes Jhontu Da with his bag of semi-adventures.
JHONTU DA HAS A BLAST
BOOM!!!!!!
!@#$$%%&&**#**!
Jhontu Da woke up with the choicest slangs in his mouth; then he remembered it was Kali Pujo and he jumped out of his bed. He got a whiff of the alur dum his wife was cooking as he climbed up the staircase to his terrace.
(Each year Jhontu Da puts his kitty of fireworks in cane trays and lays them in the sunlight to get rid of dampness in them. This year due to a huge inflow of bribe money in his pocket, Jhontu Da’s fireworks have become bigger, better and noisier. The ban on chocolates bombs and other sound bombs mean nothing to him. Well... he has a little regard for rules, a habit which can be acquired working as a clerk in a government office for 23 years. )
The clerk in Jhontu arranged the firecrackers in different sections --- ‘from 6-7.30 flower pots and charkis’, ‘from 8-9 rockets and the other aerial bombs’ and ‘from midnight earsplitting bombs’. Satisfied with this arrangement to create a misbalance in Mother Nature, he proceeded to attend to her call in his semi marbled toilet.
“My sister, her husband and her two sons are coming for dinner, so don’t be a miser today and get some good fish and meat “said Mrs. Jhontu. “ Miser!! !@##$!@#( this slang ends with something about Mrs. Jhontu’s father) “What do you want that I bring a ton of bhetki and papda everyday, your ever expanding belly will never be satisfied woman.” “Listen!! Don’t shout for the past 3 days you have been buying that ‘lotey maach’ ( a dirt cheap fish) , my sister’s husband buys 2 kilos of the best catch in market every other day and not only that he bought 2 pairs of gold bangles for my sister this Dhanteras” “OOOF! I am going...going to get your fish and meat now, please be quiet there’s enough noise outside.”
In the evening…
“Issh! Zolly Rozers (Jolly Rogers Rum), should have told me I had Kyapten Murgan (Captain Morgan’ Rum) at my place…I don’t drink cheap stuff” said Pintoo Da the husband of Jhontu Da’s visiting sister-in-law. Jhontu Da didn’t say anything; in fact he was happy that his share of alcohol had just doubled. “Oh! So sad but have this Coca Cola and peanuts, I bought them from South City Mall.’
Part-2
A visibly drunk Jhontu Da can be seen trying to dance to the tune of ‘Waka Waka’ with some young ladies of the para. The ladies as expected are not pleased and soon they go back inside the Pujo pandal.
Jhontu Da’s son pulls The Father and says “Baba it’s almost twelve time for the real bombs and Ma wants you to supervise the whole activity” “#$&*@... your mother is jealous didn’t you see how your young aunties were clapping when I was shaking my hips!” “Mesho’s sons have already started please do something…be my hero” and Jr. Jhontu who was well versed with the words that could make his father do things whenever he was drunk. “Come on let’s go let show those sons of that!@#$#$ what Jhontu has in store…
Kaaboom!! Kaboooom!!! Kaboooooooooooom!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
“Did your fireworks make that much of sound?” “But my aerial bombs were much better” said Pintoo Da. Hearing this Jhontu Da did something unexpected. He managed to fix two chocolates bombs to the wick of a rockets bomb and then he put this installation in an empty beer bottle. “Now see what!@# my fireworks are made of, Chotku pass me the tarabatis” “Now see………. what an idea!!” said a drunken Jhontu Da trying hard to keep his balance at the same time.
Meanwhile Jhontu Da’s wife came up. “Oh come witness this spectacle ...so what you didn’t get gold bangles. Where will you get husband like me with such ideas…..stay and watch” “Chotku leave your father’s side he has gone mad” she (Mrs.Jhontu) bellowed. In the meantime, hearing Jhontu Da’s proud proclamations the next door neighbours preened from their terrace to see Jhontu Da’s spectacle.
1…2…3………..woooossssssssshhhhhhhhhhbooooooooooooooooooooooooooooom……..And Jhontu Da’s drunken brain did a somersault along with his body.
Next day…Jhontu Da’s experiment was the talk of the neighbourhood; the boys at the youth club were seriously planning to apply Jhontu Da’s idea in their college elections. Jhontu Da was a hero of sorts that day. But Jhontu Da was not to be seen.
“If you ever do it again I swear I will ...I will hang myself from our mango tree, I almost died when you fainted” shrieked Mrs. Jhontu. “Sssshhhh!! I did not faint; I stood my ground while your sister’s husband ran like a chicken when I lit the rocket…hahahahaha!” “Now… now my Sridevi stop crying I won’t do it again, give a smile and stop scolding me.” cajoled Jhontu Da (who wanted his breakfast.) “I promise this won’t happen again, no chocolates bombs next year. A safe Kali Pujo next year”
????But we just heard something else in your mind Jhontu Da……..
“ASCHE BOCHOR ABAR HOBE!!! “
